Reasons to Buy Fabric

        It insulates the closet where it is kept.   Like dust, it’s good for protecting previously empty spaces in the house, like the ironing board, the laundry hamper and the dining room table.  It’s much cheaper to cover the floor with fabric than new carpeting and you can change the look more often.   I have new shelves for fabric storage and if I don’t fill them up they won’t look right.

It helps keep the economy going.   It is our patriotic duty to support cotton farmers, textile mills and fabric stores.   A sudden increase in the boll weevil population might wipe out the cotton crop for the next ten years.   When the Big Earthquake comes all of the fabric stores might be swallowed into the ground and never seen again.   It keeps the people who make cardboard inserts in bolts of fabric employed, thus supporting the national economy in yet another way.   We even help the little birds with their nests when scraps and treads are allowed to blow in the wind.

It is less expensive and more fun than psychiatric care.   Group sewing is the best form of group therapy.   Because, this fabric just talks to me and calls my name.   The devil made me do it.

Because it’s on sale.   Okay, it wasn’t on sale, but by the time it was, all the good stuff would be gone.   It keeps without refrigeration, and you don’t have to cook it to enjoy it.   Also, you never have to feed it, change it, wipe its nose or walk it.

It’s a medical test to see if your husband is still alive.   If he is, a fabric purchase will make him start fussing.   It I don’t buy it, my husband won’t have anything to complain about.   Buy it now before your husband retires and goes with you on all of your shopping expeditions.   Stress from dealing with the Fabric Control Officer (my husband) made me do it.   Step 32 of the Master Plan to drive my husband crazy.

I am in a contest and she who dies with the most fabric wins.   My friend has more variety than I do and I have to keep up with her. Unless my fabric stash is reasonably impressive, people might think my family is destitute, and my children would be embarrassed.   A large fabric stash is a sign of a creative mind.

                                I’m worth it.